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Stop. Falling. In. Love. With. Monogamous Men.

Latest excruciating self-torture in The Zoeverse: Falling in love with monogamous men. I don’t fantasize.  I replay. Recall an erotic encounter so intense I didn’t fully take it in, and then repeat it over and over again in my mind, deepening my relationship to it in every sweet, hot, juicy, dripping detail. Exquisite remembering. Perhaps Read More

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Puente Alto

Puente Alto It’s in the choice of his words, the raw expression. In the wise, rough, playful eyes. I’m in bed in New York holding the phone to my heart, feeling him. He is one in a million million.  He notices me. I first hear his voice in a park in London, and it’s careful, Read More

USAmerica Taboo Travel Cannabis Drugs

Padding the Pushke

I’m out. I’m new to The City, I don’t have a hookup. When planning my day I mention it to S. She says the cat she’s staying with can get me some. I’m already wary. She’s mentioned mold in her room and various characters that sound somewhat sundry, no details. I roll up. I look Read More

Europe Lovers Sex European Lovers Favorite Lover


We exchange so much online in so little time that in Barcelona I’m floored by the empathy in his kiss. I thought I knew him. How could I have missed that we are psychic? I always think I know him only to find out we know each other so little. So little. Yes. There we Read More

USAmerica Taboo


It’s the height of the SARS-CoV-2 pandemic and I am locked down in Colorado when the protests against police brutality and white supremacy begin, again, in USAmerica. The world falls apart. The Seattle CHOP zone rises. To protest is to risk contracting the virus, or at least so we are told. People protest anyway. The Read More

Europe Lovers Indian Lovers

Will He or Won’t He?

Will he or won’t he? Will he make the same meanings that I have? Won’t he let his guard down? Will he or won’t he? I’m still wondering, because he’s still wondering. I’m still wondering how many more different shapes of benches are along the Thames. No two alike – the ones we kissed upon Read More

Europe Travel Taboo Cannabis Drugs


I’m reeling from meeting DH when I find myself at Christiania every day I’m in Copenhagen. Still strung out on the intensity, and feeling oddly obligated. I’m in a daze, going through the sites of Copenhagen like I’m flipping through a guidebook. It doesn’t speak to me. I never see the mermaid. For a good Read More

Drugs Nitrous Oxide

Experience Maintenance

After overthinking my heartbreak into a state of worsened emotional confusion and physical illness I realized that this was one of those days where healthy completion, communication, and resolution is not in order. Instead – raw hard escapism and the effects of nitrous oxide is would lift the malaise and clogged sinuses. One escape route Read More