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Venice California

Things I will miss about Venice, California:

The Pacific Ocean; my great roommates and their superheroic feats; Bellissimo Venice (high-end foodie organicy convenience store/deli/coffee less than a block from me); walking to the gym for training with JS and yoga with F; the most weed stores in the closest proximity of anywhere on the planet ever; arson;

the electric energy of the night – made present and not overly offensive by partyfolk practicing expert Californian fun management;

being catcalled by men of color every single day; the gorgeous view from the balcony (not that my new one isn’t better); Whole Foods; the “fuck-it-no-apologies” attitude; being within walking distance of U and S and A and G and a whole mess of other people I don’t see enough;

graffiti and street art; pickup games near muscle beach (I always root for the skins); falling asleep and waking up to the sound of the ocean; the smell of gasoline; the weather; watching the hustlers (CD sales, drug sales, the shell game, 3 card monty, pimps, dog breeders, shops, services, etc.) on the boardwalk from above then going back to my own hustling online;

people singing; the constant stream of athletes to ogle; the streets; Venice, California; being in a hub where people visit from everywhere; the light; the weather; the decent selection of organic vegetarian restaurants, particularly Seed; random art and creativity; diversity; contact highs of all kinds; the sunset over the ocean; proximity to external entertainment;

not being regarded as a freak (even when I walk around in my pajamas); living with someone that can fix my computer (even though he can mostly do it remotely too); the sound of helicopters and airplanes; electric lights and sometimes their pretty trails; borrowing things from neighbors and friends;

being able to walk to the flotation tank or the liquor store (or both? Drunk Float?); being able to walk most places I go to if I choose; walking places from home; at least some people here aren’t “fucking hippies”; impressing people who’ve never been to LA with where I live; the proximity of all services and goods; hearing and speaking Spanish; prepping for Burning Man as a community.

Venice California

Things I will not miss about Venice, California:

Being able to see 80 residences from my window (not counting the ones I know are there on lower floors – just the ones I can see); Venice, California; living in gang territory (Topanga Crips repreZoent!); having roommates; dead bodies in the canals; arson;

the dude who smokes drugs outside at the bottom of the stairs next door and coughs his fucking lungs out in phlegmy, bloody glory with every hit of whatever it is he’s inhaling; the most weed stores in the closest proximity of anywhere on the planet ever; stoplights and crosswalks;

the swamptrashy, slept on the street, pukeswept corner of Windward and Pacific and all its various residents and gnats at 7:30 in the morning;

and for that matter the winnebago-dwellers and their irresponsible sewage dumping; not being able to go nude; fluoridated, chlorinated city water;

“Get your medical marijuana evaluation today! The doctor is in! We have the cheapest prices on the boardwalk! Are you legal? Get legal today! Get evaluated! Get your medical marijuana evaluation today! The doctor is in! We have the cheapest prices on the boardwalk! Are you legal? Get legal today! Get evaluated! Get your medical marijuana evaluation today! The doctor is in! We have the cheapest prices on the boardwalk! Are you legal? Get legal today! Get evaluated! Get your medical marijuana evaluation today! The doctor is in! We have the cheapest prices on the boardwalk! Are you legal? Get legal today! Get evaluated! Get your medical marijuana evaluation today! The doctor is in! We have the cheapest prices on the boardwalk! Are you legal? Get legal today! Get evaluated!“;

carrying a Taser or a knife everywhere I go; parking tickets and street cleaning days; televisions from those 80 residences blaring at me; vandalism; the constant walla;

the smell of grease and fried starch; poverty; other people’s music;

gum stuck to the sidewalk; sidewalks; rent control; traffic; tourists; leafblowers; leashed dogs; fake body parts; smog; pigeons and gulls; the smell of “food”; anorexics; the smell of chemical deodorant/perfume/hair or body spray/misc. product;

the sound of metal against metal or concrete; unwanted distance-dependent social obligations; during my eensy teensy tiny time off running into the offline segments of ad campaigns I’m working on while walking the streets and thus being thrown back into work (sometimes even on banners pulled by planes along the shore… how crafty!);

not being able to see the stars!;

the higher proportion of people that completely buy into the standard American health model; the absence of complex wildlife; trash washing up on shore;

i look everywhere, and i see, chemical de-pen-den-cy;

that dead fishy smell all oceans have; grids, squares, boxes, and lines; heavy police presence; having no space to grow food; having no space to hoop; having no space for my stuff; being watched; being heard.


That one time I hooked up with a guy I met in Venice, California seven years after I met him.

Stories about the big city:

1: Bangkok

2: Miami

3: Istanbul

4: Las Vegas

5: Amsterdam


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